A thought on Compassion…
This past year I was reading one of Charles Dickens’ books, Oliver Twist, and I came across a funny comment (among many). He sarcastically stated that the person who always seems to know exactly what to do in a situation is the person who wasn’t there.
Now, Dickens was the master of weaving in witty, yet sometimes merciless, insights on human character. I found him to be on point in describing the default, small-minded positions we’re prone to.
So, what did he poke fun at--who is the first person to say, “If only you had done…” or “why didn’t you…”? Who is the first person to give quick advice to someone who faces a difficult problem? The person who feels another person’s problem is simple, often has not had to face it.
Now, this hopefully doesn’t describe all of us—or at least not all the time. But an essential gift we can all develop more fully is to first spend time seeing and appreciating the load another person shares with us, before we judging them.
See and appreciate the load
Each of us does or will carry a heavy load at some time.
At one point I read true account of a man in a third-world country who chopped wood, then carried it all over his town in a massive sack on his back to sell it. The bag weighed as much as or more than he did, and to passersby it looked like it might crush him. I think there are times, and will be more to come, when each of us feels like that man with all that load he had to carry. It weighs us down. It makes everything we try to accomplish way harder. But it also makes us so much stronger. Many others might not be able to see what we are carrying, and few will truly understand the full weight of it. What looks like merely a person who is “doing things wrong” to an outsider, is actually a fighter, not giving up though the load is so, so heavy.
Those who can see
We all have a very deep need to be seen. We need to know that in someone, our efforts are recognized, our good qualities are clear, and that our burdens are not invisible. We need these people in our lives, and of course we also hope to be this person to someone else!
My mother is one of these people in my life. If I share I am climbing a mountain in life, I know has she already climbed many of her own and that she sees mine clearly. She knows me and cares deeply when I am suffering. Understanding this, my heart frequently feels open to her words of wisdom. She cared and she saw me deeply, before she ever uttered a word of counsel.
Conclusion
In Oliver Twist, Dickens paints a beautiful picture of what it means to be a person who sees past the parts of life a person really can’t control to see all that they are doing with what they have been given. After reading that book, I hope to be one who loves and appreciates first, seeking to know the whole story a person has before any judgements at all. How beautiful those people are in our lives when we are suffering! And how sweet to be that person for another. May we all each get there!
Good luck on each of your journeys!
Carrie Petersen Mayo, M.A.
