Grief is Messy
I have met a lot of grieving people. So has each one of us-though often we may have no idea what’s happening in their lives. The old adage that “We never know what is going on for another person,” is so profound and true.
Grief is a mess
Grief has caused a lot of mess in my life, not just for me, but for many people around me. Because of grief, at times I have been
an unsafe driver,
a negligent parent,
an unresponsive friend,
a poorly preforming student,
an angry person to be around, and more.
My heart wants to apologize for all the times I have been difficult for other people. At the same time, I know that those who understood a bit of my life, have had immense compassion. I also believe that those who didn’t know, one day will.
Grief is scary
I was so grateful to be pushed into a grief counseling class at a time when I desperately needed it. My heart needed it.
A woman I came to love very much in the class talked about how, one year after her loss, she was still waking up crying and shaking in the night, having it hit her like a ton of bricks that her loved one was gone and life would never be the same. That was a day when our class cried and mourned together.
Grief is a messy thing. And it is scary. And overwhelming. But it’s made easier when we are not alone.
Sometimes, when we feel like we’re drowning emotionally, we need to let ourselves sink into that ocean and hit the bottom. Often, we find that as we grieve, eventually the ocean dries up. It doesn’t kill us, like I feels it might, and aftwards we’re more able to go on a little while again. Over time the space between those bouts can grow, from minutes, to hours, to days, etc.. Not because the grieving has completed somehow, but because our ability to cope with it has grown.
Grief is growth
To let ourselves grieve is healing.
Grief is overwhelming and it feels like we may never hold joy again in life. But I can testify that we will. We will be changed forever, but these experiences can make us humans who understand others around us like never before. Our empathy for others can expand, our understanding of suffering becomes deeper, and our ability to teach what love is to those who look up to us grows immensely.
We desperately need other people in this time period. Even though there will be misunderstandings. Even though there will be accidental wounds received from well-meaning people. When we let others into our grief, we
And when we grieve with others, it can bind us together in a sacred journey. I am grateful for those who grieved with me, from my family, to friends, a grief coach, spiritual leaders, and more.
Conclusion
I know there is so much love around us. Our wounds are not invisible-there are people who see us and care deeply about our struggles—people we can see as well as those we cannot see. I know my heart is full of love for you already.
You are going to make it. And one day all of our losses will be compensated with tender joy-through healing and through reunion with all those who we love.
Good luck on your journey.
